I Promise You, I'm Not On Drugs But Of Course You Have To Be Tested

Let me make it loud and clear that I am absolutely not on drugs. I have never done drugs, am not doing them and will never do drugs. There's no point in doing harm to your body because it "makes you feel good". I can think of truck loads of things that can make you feel good and drugs is definitely not one of them.

Our school - just like any average High School - does "random" drug testing. And to be honest with you, I'm convinced that it's not random because all of the good people - the people I know are not on drugs get called and the people who are on drugs don't get called...

So, it started out as a normal day in Health. I get out my iPod and phone to start texting when the vice principal walks into the classroom and says, "I need Chelsea." Of course, terror went through me because I think it's them calling me out to tell me that one of my grandparents had died or my parents or something tragic. But of course, me being me, spazzed out and thought it was that but when I walked out to the hallway, he explained to me and two others that it was drug testing.

At that point in time, I was kind of smug on the subject of being drug tested because some people would say, "Oh, I've been drug tested ten times." and others would say, "Oh, I've been drug tested once." I'm among those people who said that this was their first time... well, there's a first time to everything.

So, after we've gathered a good... ten people, we head to the gym where Adrian and I have decided it smells like peanuts and sweat there and we had to sign forms and sit at different tables according to gender. It would be interesting... one girl goes in and about ten minutes, she comes out, saying, "I can't do it!"

Another girl goes in and comes out saying the same thing. And then the lady, this Hispanic lady calls out my name so I didn't have a choice. Not even taking a moment, I stood up and entered the bathroom, hoping this would be over as soon as it possibly could.

On the counter, the lady had her array of items, which I can't recall except the frilly basket full of little plastic packages. She walks over to the sink and begins to write on a form so I'm just standing there awkwardly. In a Hispanic accent, she says, "Sanitize your hands." She hands me a little hand sanitizing package and as I tear it open, the sanitized wipe flies out and into the trash can. -_- She laughs and hands me another one. So, all ready, this is a wonderful time...

Then she instructs me to take one of the plastic packages from the frilly basket which consists of a cup - looks like a measuring cup from the kitchen and two plastic test tubes. It was something short of opening presents on Christmas day.

Then I had come to the part that had been the most challenging for those before me... Pee in the stupid cup.

I trudged into the stall and wondered what the "correct" position would be to pee in this cup. After a second of readjustments, I basically went into a trance and focused on the floor tiles and not on the fact that a Hispanic lady was outside the stall. Some are shy peepers - what gave me the upper and was that I all ready had to go before I was called and thank the Lord!

But, just as I had relaxed and I was on the verge of peeing, the lady aka, "When is your birthday?" Nice way to ruin the moment... -_-

After that, I was able to get back to my concentration...

I actually peed a lot more than I thought I would have. Of course, you normally see your pee mixed with toilet bowl water and not concentrated in one container... And it was surprisingly warm... >.> and it just didn't feel right that I was holding a cup of my pee...

Apparently, when Adrian was drug tested it took her several hours because she had peed in the cup but she DROPPED the cup! Oh my gosh... Only would that happen to her. :P

So, I emerge from the stall, asking and holding the cup in two fingers, "How much is enough?"

She turns, her eyes locked on the cup, "OOHH, that is enough." I mean, thd lady was pretty excited to be honest with you.

Next, I had to pour my own pee into two test tubes. I don't know exactly why but it felt weird that I was pouring my warm piss into some test tubes. The. I had to sign them with my lovely initials and then the forms and I was done.

I came out of the bathroom and the assembly of girls sitting at the table were looking at my expecting me to admit my defeat but I had come forth victorious.

The first thin I said as I walked out of the bathroom, "You guys are getting worked up over nothing. That was easy."

But as I think, I come to realize that the reason I was finished so quickly was that I all ready had to pee in the first place. So that gave me the upper hand.

Nothing has been brought to my or my parent's attention so the test came back negative and it BETTER have. I take the good drugs - Advil and Alleve. Not the bad ones because guys, I DO NOT have those kind of connections... Never in a million years.

Well, quick update, I got an iPhone and I downloaded the Blogger app so I can blog from my phone, which is pretty stellar. It's what I'm doing right now! :)

Hope you enjoyed, comment, check the boxes. Have you ever been drug tested? If so, I'd love to hear!

Overall, chill out guys!

Talley-ho,
Chels